November 26th, 2006

Bruce, Caroline

First-Day Jitters

I'm about to try to get to sleep. I am currently very nervous about my new job. Before, every time I've started a new position, it's been a case of "I've got nothing to lose, I wasn't working anyway". This time, I consciously gave up a position, so I in fact had a lot to lose. I'm just praying I don't screw things up. People have been most encouraging. If you think about it, please drop me e-mails. I need encouragement. I want to make people glad they chose me for this position, and I'll have to earn that. Will I measure up? Will I be good enough? The whole process of earning salvation is a simple concept to grasp: you can't do it. But earning approval on the job is a different story: You have to do it. Pressure? Pressure indeed. I used to be so incredibly, stupidly arrogant back when I worked in my new place as a summer student. My arrogance of the time disgusts me immensely. I remember one time, several years later, I was volunteering there for a summer. Looking around the office, I stumbled on this little manual I'd written as part of my summer job. It was the smuggest, most arrogant piece of claptrap I'd ever read in my life and I was horrified that it was still haunting the office. I hope that it, and all traces of it, have been destroyed and I hope I've been forgiven.

Okay, I need to go to be now.