December 10th, 2006

Bruce, Caroline

A New Mystery Series Unveiled

Move over, Sherlock Holmes; Hardy Boys, go home; Hercule Poirot, you can eat my shorts; for I, Bruce Toews, plan to unveil before you this evening a brand new mystery series that will have people talking for seconds.

Dan Zaphodsbry is a mild-mannered braille proofreader by day, super-sleuth by night. By day he earns his biweekly dime, slugging away at his task. But little do his co-workers know of his detecting ability.

In our first adventure, Dan is visited by the mysterious Jodi Goatsbreath, who shows him a certain braille volume she received that very day in the mail. Something, says, Ms. Goatsbreath, is wrong with this volume, but she just can't put her finger on it. Dan examines the situation in every detail, calling upon his network of sources of information. Could it be? Yes, it's the notoreous evil genius, the Immortal EmbosserHead, at work again. In a vicious attempt to bring the braille-reading community to its knees, she has used her incredible powers of mechanical levitation to move the dot four on every braille cell in the world a quarter of a milimeter upwards and to the right.

Summoning his friend, Chief of Police Totsile of Scottland Yard, EmbosserHead is captured and forced to return the dots to their rightful position, whereupon she is charged with brailleslaughter, and sentenced to thirty days in an unventilated room, thermoforming tactile graphics for an underfunded agency for the blind. Braille is saved, until our next adventure, where we meet the repugnant Unified English Braille Code and Dan is once again called upon to save braille, save the braille-reading community, and by extension, all of humanity.
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