October 9th, 2007

Bruce, Caroline

A Meaningless Post

Ever had one of those times when you felt the need to post something but had absolutely nothing of substance to say? You haven't? Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my world. I have absolutely no idea where, if anywhere, this post is going to go, so I thought I'd just sit back and type, to see what I have to say.

Well, it's Tuesday. I'm sitting here at my desk. I've filled up my little portable Coke fridge, I've gone through the work-related e-mail that accumulated over the long weekend, and I'm sitting here preparing to tackle the last of the Shakespeare study questions that I'm supposed to proofread. I still maintain, by the way, that Shakespeare was highly, highly overrated. When I was in England back in 1990 on a choir tour, one of the places we went to was Shakespeare's house. All you need is a tour of that place if you want proof that people are taller now than they were then. Unfortunately, the guy who was leading me was considerably shorter than I am. So after my skull turned the rafters of the place into a xylophone, my opinion of Shakespeare had already dropped another level.

I was doing something this morning when I woke up a little earlier than normal: I tried doing some reflecting. I wanted to look at where I am now and compare it to where I was a year ago. All one need do is look at my LJ entries from a year ago and compare it with entries from the present, and I believe the difference is stark. A year ago I was filled with insecurity, depression, bitterness, and hopelessness. I didn't know where I stood on so many fronts, I was scared, I was basically plain miserable. What a difference a year makes. I mean, I still have my moments, who among us doesn't?, but overall, I'm so much happier than I was, so reassured on so many of the issues that terrified me a year ago. I have attained a level of self-acceptance which, while it still has quite a ways to go, is miles ahead of where it was. I know precisely where I stand in so many respects wheras last year there was only insecurity at this time. I'm excited about the future instead of dreading it. I am so much closer to God now than I have been in years: my prayer life has sky-rocketted, my attitude toward church has done a one-eighty, and the feeling that God is directing my life is so real to me. It's truly wonderful.

I want to thank all those who have stuck with me in these LJ entries. It's been a roller-coaster; no doubt it will continue to be one, life has, by its very nature, its ups and downs. But where I am now is so very different from where I was, so much more exciting, and so much more full of promise. For the first time in years, I am not only accepting my lot in life, I am truly glad to be alive.
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