February 25th, 2009

Bruce, Caroline

Small Cars, Hard Heads

Hi everyone,

It's been quite some time since I've actually written an update here, so maybe I'm about due. Or should that be overdue.

First of all, one of the few truly bright points in my life continues to be Caroline, kittytech. It's been over a year and a half now since she and I became a couple. In that time, my love for her has only grown, as has my respect for her integrity and my wish that she could have the queen's life she deserves. She is so selfless, so caring, ... She's just wonderful.

Unfortunately, many other areas of my life remain a struggle. I think back to the time when I thought that being in a happy relationship would be the solution to all my problems. No one need tell me now how naïve that notion was. But I feel, far too often, on the verge of being pushed beyond the breaking poing by life and by circumstance. I need a major, tangible, palpable break in my life. I need a few months of worry-free breathing room, and I need it fast.

I'm starting to notice things about myself I'm not especially proud of. I have traditionally not been a vengeful person. I do not believe that revenge solves anything or gives you anything other than short-term adrenaline-based satisfaction that wears off very quickly. Yet while I believe this, while I still believe this, I am finding myself drooling over imagining getting revenge at those who have hurt me or are hurting me. I want to hurt them back the way they've hurt me, and I'm thinking it would feel so incredibly good to do it. Of course I know this is futile, of course I know it's un-christian, and of course I know I'd hate myself to no end if I were to actually go through with it, but the prospect most certainly pleases, and I find myself having to fight it. To my fellow Christinas, please pray that I do not give in to this irrational thinking.

My old roommate's mother was hospitalized on Monday with what appears to be a minor stroke. She went back home yesterday. My prayers are with this kind, giving, caring woman, Mrs. Stahn, and her family.

Well, that's it, I suppose. I didn't mean to drop off the face of the earth, and I know I've been worse than horrible at following my friends' entries lately. If you're a Christian, please pray for me. If you're not, your good thoughts, wishes, and/or prayers mean a great deal to me and are appreciated.
Bruce, Caroline

Small Cars and HArd Heads Explained

I neglected to explain my subject line in my previous entry, as I got
caught up in other things.

I was on my way to work today. The car I was in was very, very small,
and I was jammed in the back seat behind a driver who clearly liked to
sprawl and had his seat way back. So because I'm both tall and fat, I
was squished. I had to duck, and even so, every time we hit a bump of
any kind, the top of my head would hit the roof of the car.

kittytech, in her infinitely helpful way, said that it was
too bad about my head, but at least it was hard enough that it shouldn't
be a problem. Sheesh! Talk about supportive girlfriends!
Bruce, Caroline

Blind People Are Intelligent Too

I belong to a support mailing list for a braille translation program I
use. On that list, someone raised the question: When producing a braille
menu and the dollar signs are not present in print, should they be
inserted? A bunch of people wrote in and said, yes, absolutely. This way
of thinking really, really bothers me for whatever reason. To me, it
says that blind people aren't smart enough to figure out that the number
after an item with the decimal point is a price, and that, given the
locale of the restaurant, that price is going to be in dollars. Sighted
people don't need that additional information to reach these
conclusions, why should we? I guess it falls into the broader category
of entitlement, of blind people wanting things handed to them. My way or
the highway. And then you can broaden it still further to any minority
group, be it racial, religious, ethnic, sexual orientation, gender,
whatever, who decide that equality is no longer enough, that they want
more than the other person, effectively replacing one form of inequality
with another: it's awful when we're not treated as equals, but it is
acceptable for us to treat the other person as non-equals.