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Bruce, Caroline

LJ Idol Week 2: The Terrors of First Impressions

It was August 5. I was bored, looking for something to do. My MSN Messenger tag indicated as much. I got a message from kittytech, someone whose LJ I'd been reading for a year or so and someone I'd since befriended via Messenger, and after a time she invited me to call her and talk to her if I wished. Although I'm always a little hesitant about initiating conversations, particularly on the phone (or in this case, Skype), I felt drawn to call her, so I did. What I thought would be a ten-minute conversation turned into one lasting just under six hours. Little did I know then that this conversation was destined to change my life.

We became a couple on August 15. Eleven days after that, I initiated an experience which, while I'm more excited about it than words can say, also terrifies me to no end: I bought a plane ticket to fly down to Milwaukee from Winnipeg to visit her.

It has often been pointed out to me that the real world is different from the "cyber world". This is, of course, true. Though Caroline and I have talked so much over the last three months the Skype people are probably regretting that computer-to-computer calls are free, the reality is that we have never yet met, and won't until the 21st. It's the question of what she'll think of me when we first meet, when we first hug, when we first kiss, that terrifies me. Will I be what she expected? If not, will I be close enough? Or will she be repulsed by me, and will this be the longest visit in history? As one who has had very few relationships, these are not questions to be taken lightly. So while I eagerly anticipate this trip, while I have high expectations, while I couldn't be more thrilled about it, these next nine days are also destined to be the most terrifying of my life so far.
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And that day is exactly 5 years to the day that I last talked with the great love of my life. I mean really talked with her.