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Bruce, Caroline

How Alone Am I?

I have felt very alone for as long as I can remember. The thing is, I didn't realize this until Friday.

I am proofreading Psychology: Eighth Edition, a textbook by Dr. David Myers. I am finding this to be a refreshing read on many levels. But the one I want to talk about is a quotation on page 222.

In this quotation, Dr. Myers is talking about his hearing loss. In a paragraph filled with candor, he talks about the things which frustrate him most as someone with a hearing loss: missing a joke, people being frustrated because of having to repeat, people saying "Oh, never mind", etc.

I sat there reading this paragraph, wondering, Did Dr. Myers write this or did I write this? It articulated so well the feelings I experience ... Here was someone who actually understood what I was going through, and had the ... The whatever to articulate the pain and the frustration. My first thought was, I'm not alone. My second was, I didn't even know I felt alone.

But in processing this realization, I came to realize just how alone I have been feeling for as long as I can remember. It's not for lack of caring people around me: my family, my friends, my girlfriend; but despite all the caring people, I still felt, and feel, very alone in the world: a little less alone than I did, yes, but still very, very alone.

It's why I admire so much people who can and do articulate their pains, their struggles, their fears; it's why I get very angry at people who view this articulation as a sign of weakness, or who dismiss them as inconsequential, irrelevant or stupid.

So what's the point? A good entry is supposed to have one, right? This doesn't. This is just me writing how I feel.

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