Bruce Toews (masterofmusings) wrote,
Bruce Toews

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Guys Just Don't Get It

Much has been written, sung, and lamented on TV talk shows of the inexplicability of men to women.  Women don't understand our need for power tools, watching the game instead of a romantic moonlight stroll (through the shopping mall), cars and electronics, and gifts that actually do something besides sitting in a box and sparkling.  And I'll admit that there are many aspects of my fellow man that defy logic.  The fact is, though, we're not logical.  Men never have been, although we claim we are.

However, let it be said that, in differing though equally inexplicable ways, women defy logic too.  Ladies, we love you - I can't think of a single gender I'd rather date - but the fact is, there are many aspects of womankind that quite simply make no sense.   A few of these follow:

1. What's with the shoes?  Women are, for whatever reason, obsessed with shoes.   They can spend an entire afternoon checking out shoes, and coming home with way more shoes than they have feet.  They labor over choosing just which shoes they want to buy, this decision is absolutely everything to them, nothing else matters.  Then, every time they wear any pair of their new possessions, they go around saying, "I can't wait to get out of these shoes, my feet are killing me!".  Men, on the other hand, have this weird predisposition to comfort and functionality over stylishness and agony.

2. What's it like to go into the store "just in case I see something I want?"   I remember one time, before I was older and wiser, actually looking forward to going shopping with Virginia, a young lady-friend of mine.  I wanted a book on tape, she said she was looking for some things, so naive as I was, I anticipated the moment.  "What are you looking for?"  I asked.  "Oh, I don't know, let's stop in this store" - and the next one, and the next one, and the next one, until the entire mall had been gone over with a fine toothed purse - "in case I find something I wanted."  I'm glad I picked up my books first, or else I would have forgotten what I'd gone there for in the first place.

3. Why is it that when men lift weights and so on to build muscle it's vanity, but if women take every opportunity they have - in the bathroom at home, in the bathroom at work, in the bathroom at the restaurant, in the car in the middle of rush hour - to do their makeup, screaming in horror if their face isn't absolutely perfect, it's a necessity?   Why do men have the corner on the vanity market?  Why do women agonize over their appearance, then slap any poor, unsuspecting guy who compliments their looks?

4. Just what does "Well, if you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you" mean?  Is that something like the flashing 12 on a VCR or the "You can't miss it!" at the end of a set of instructions given by a farmer to a traveler from the city?  Or does it mean the same thing as when, after twenty-five years of marriage to your husband, trying to mold him into just the perfect spouse, you complain that he's not the man you married?

As I said, I fully realize that there is a great deal about men that makes absolutely no sense, but I wanted to take this opportunity to show just how truly equal men and women really are.  And it's great, for without the marvel of discovering, dealing with, accepting, and eventually loving the inexplicable, where's the mystery that keeps a relationship fresh?

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